‘I sink; therefore I swim’ by Des C Artes*

 

Twas in tha year of foorty foor
We wa engulfed in a terribul war
Tha ma moother suffered ta give birth
Ta a bairn wha wor a spirited youth
Ah soon learned ta fend fer meself
An knew a wee wash wa good fer ma health
Ba I didna expect ta be throon in tha burn
Afore I bin geen a chance ta learn
Twas all ah cood do ta survive
Aye a miracle I coom out alive
Tha wor ma first lesson
Neva forget tha ma son
Was tha comfort from ma ole man
Any trubble an I’ll toss yee in agan
So ah learned reel quick
Fa fear I’d be chooked in tha slick
Aye an left ta droon
In tha dark all aloon
Ah had na time fer fancy thoughts
Twas too busy hangin on ta ma shorts
I were a wee lad an orful shy
Didna wan no lass ta see ma winky
An ever since I’ve had tha itch
Roond ma scrotals from tha ditch
God only noos wa were in tha slime
Aye an I wor init many a time
Thas hoo ah tried ta learn ta swim
Ta keep ma head above tha filthy rim
So ya can see hoo it can mark a man
Ah neva recoovered na one can
So when ah saw a swimmin pool
Ah hadna draws na gogs na tool
I only knew wa ma dad had din
So ah foond a lad an chooked him in
Afor ya cood say Och Aye
I wa grabbed by tha securitay
An throon ooot on ma head
In the boosh an left fer dead
As yer can see I were reet traumatised
Twere worse tha being circumcised
Och ma grannies dun wa tha sheep shears
An too ma eyes tha memory brings tears
An wen I had ma first indoor paddle
Ah couldna stop maself had ta piddle
Aye agin I wor yanked oot
An shooted at an givin tha boot
Ah tried agin in tha poond in yon park
Twere mighty coold an dark
Ah froze ma goolies turned blue
An coodna shoot fer help noo
Aye ah were close ta death
It twere ma last breath
Tha wa na time fer philosophisin
Ah didna see ma life passin
All ah noo ah still coodna float
Ba a great black dog got me ba tha throat
Aye an saved ma skin
Thas tha story of ma swimmin
It danna work fer me
As all yon readers well cood see
As ta ma wurds a wisdoom
Dunna go near ta water twill be yer doom

Donald McGonagall
Writer in Residence
Dundee Municipal Cemetery

* Des C Artes.  The 17thC. French eccentric & acrobat, inventor of the cartewheel who, with his partner civile Rene, introduced skinny dipping ( Le plangeon tout nu) to Deauville Society.

Des C Artes (aka Mike Cornford) warms his toes with the famous historian Daniel Kirmatzis.

Cold Water Swimming Guide from South London Swimming Club

Setting off on a cold length at Tooting Bec Lido - 2.5 degrees C

If you fancy a dip during the current cold snap, it might be worth taking stock before you jump in. There’s an excellent Guide to Safe Cold Water Swimming at South London Swimming Club’s blog for the UK Cold Water Swimming Championships 2011 (http://coldwater2011.posterous.com). It’s a good guide looking after yourself and your fellow swimmers while enjoying a bracing dip.

Entering the water through powder snow

Swim Questionnaire – Olivia Palmer

Olivia Palmer, swimming in Turkey

Olivia Palmer, 35, works in conference research and development. She swims in the the River Dart, the sea in South Devon, or ‘anywhere I can!’  She and husband Stuart are on a mission to find Devon’s most ’delightful dips’ and you can find out where these are by visiting their Devonshire Dippers blog. 

Why do you swim?

It makes me feel calm, happy and normal

How did you learn to swim?

My dad taught me

Tell us one of your early memories of swimming?

Suddenly becoming the fastest swimmer in my lane (graded lanes) at Otters when I was 8

What’s the best swim you ever had?

There are two, the first early morning swim I had in the Aeolian Islands with the most wonderful man I have ever met, I knew it then and I’d only known him 3 days and I know it now and I’m married to him. The second was on October 31st in 2008 in the Avon, freezing cold 6.30am and the same man asked me to marry him, on one knee in the river. Amazing!!!

Stu and I having our compulsory kiss during the Palmer Dart Swim this year.

What is the worst swim you ever had?

Oh so many in Dover harbour!!!!

Where is the most unusual place you have swum?

A lake half way up Snowdon when we actually swum in clouds. Late September and it was very cold, heaven!

What do you think about when you are swimming?

My husband, swimming the channel and how I feel in the water

What do you take from swimming and apply in your everyday life?

That it is possible to be good at something if you want to be and it is also possible to do something purely to enjoy it

What do you take from your everyday life and consign to the water?

Sometimes people aren’t thinking about anything apart from themselves and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, infact it can be encouraging

What has swimming taught you about life?

Being calm and not judging others makes life easier

What swimming ambitions do you have?

To swim as often as possible, all through the year in as many wonderful places as possible. Perhaps to try the channel again but not for a while

Have you ever got into trouble in the water and what happened?

Yes, fainted and Stu and another swimmer helped me to the side of the harbour. I’ve also been stuck in waves, which scared me

Best ‘skinny dip’ or ‘midnight swim’?

Skinny dipping is always brilliant! I don’t have a best one, if it’s being done good times are being had!

If you had a swimming wish, what would it be?

That I’d walked out of the water in France and that I could swim with my husband more often

What tips would you offer other swimmers?

Just enjoy it!

What’s your favourite saying?

Live and let live

Swim Questionnaire: Lucie Petrie

Lucy Petrie at the World Cold Water Swimming Championships in Bled.

Lucy Petrie,  44, is a mother, actress and sign language communicator. She is a regular swimmer at Tooting Bec Lido and more recently at Frensham Ponds.

Why do you swim? 

To make the rest of the day go well. 

How did you learn to swim? 

In the shallow end with a rubber ring around me and a chocolate ice-cream at the deep end .

Tell us one of your early memories of swimming?

Being told that if I ate up all my broad beans I would pass my swimming test.  I passed and now love broad beans.  

What’s the best swim you ever had?

Swimming with a group of 7 friends across the Hellespont at 6 o’clock in the morning with the rising sun. 

What is the worst swim you ever had?

Training swim in Dover Harbour with wind and rain lashing and nearly colliding with a rower.

Where is the most unusual place you have swum?

Where to start: Nigardsbreen glacier in Norway, Lake Tahoe at 7,000 ft or Lake Bled in Slovenia in January this year. 

What do you think about when you are swimming?

I disappear into a hypnotic trance mostly. 

What do you take from swimming and apply in your everyday life?

A calm energy and positivity – happiness. 

What do you take from your everyday life and consign to the water?  

Hangovers, the start of cold, bad moods. 

What has swimming taught you about life?

That there are still moments in life that are truly yours .

What swimming ambitions do you have?

Have taken a little time off as many ambitions fulfilled but always like a target to work towards! 

Have you ever got into trouble in the water and what happened?

Caught in a mild rip tide in Tangiers.  Was with Al (husband) and hugged him tight when we got to the shore.

Best skinny dip or midnight swim?

Swimming for two hours on a still night in Lake Windermere in August 2007. 

If you had a swimming wish, what would it be?

To complete a solo channel swim. 

What tips would you offer other swimmers?

Let the water carry you, use as  little energy for maximum efficiency .

What’s your favourite saying?  

Can I have a hot chocolate, please?

How Many Lifeguards Does it Take to Create a Swim Queue?

For the first time in one hundred years, members of the South London Swimming Club had to queue for a swim in the freezing cold pool.

Just two! This morning South London Swimming Club members had to queue for a swim because the word from on high was that two lifeguards was only enough to monitor 10 swimmers at any one time in the massive Tooting Bec Lido. In 100 years of year-round swimming at Tooting Bec Lido, this is the first time that anyone has had to stand in a queue to enter freezing cold water. What does it all mean?

Some research into the subject revealed that the Health & Safety Executive provides no specific laws etc on how many lifeguards should be on duty but it does have a brochure ‘Managing Health and Safety in Swimming Pools’ published in 2003 which you can download here . Item 176 on page 60 makes suggestions on manning and the minimum for a a 50m x 20m pool is four. But it is only a suggestion and I would imagine relates to a typical busy public swimming pool … not a sleepy winter pool where hardened winter swimmers knock out a few lengths during the cold winter months.

There is also a long introduction by the HSE where the Executive notes that:

There are no specific health and safety regulations governing swimming pools (or paddling pools and other non-standard facilities). As far as public safety is concerned, Section 3 of the Health and Safety at Work etc Act 1974 requires employers to conduct their undertaking in such a way as to ensure, so far as is reasonably practicable, that the public is not exposed to risks to health and safety.

And there are a couple of sentences at the end which suggests a bit of a get out:

However, these are strong recommendations and not absolute requirements – there may be circumstances in which a risk assessment shows that, despite one or more of those criteria being met, people can swim safely without continuous supervision.

And finally… Sensible health and safety is about managing risks and not eliminating them. Proper risk assessment should result in precautions appropriate to the particular circumstances

It seems to me that maybe there is a need for another lifeguards when the pool is very busy on a sunny weekend out of season. The challenge will be for the South London Swimming Club and the various stakeholders to come up with a package that satisfies everyone’s needs and requirements:

• The pool operators need to be reassured that they are covered when it comes to insurance, liability, and due diligence;
• The lifeguards need to be confident that they can easily and effectively manage the pool and ensure the well-being of visitors;
• And the members of the swimming club need to be sure of the well-being and be able to enjoy the pool as their membership intended.

What’s the solution? Well maybe the South London Swimming Club can help fund another lifeguard given that the issue has been created by increased popularity of winter swimming and with it increased club membership and revenue.  That’s the obvious solution but imagination and a bit of creativity could also help:

• Only swim lengths in one half of the pool (long live the lane!), still allowing widths in the shallow end.
• Create a subsidised life saving course for club members so that they can  supplement the lifeguards when required.
• Properly communicate the excellent safety record to date so that there is some kind of awareness that the pool is already a safe place to be.

Perhaps you have some suggestions, if so please share them below.

Evening swim for a man in a suit

Taking Care of Toes: Chilblain Prevention and Treatment

 

Take care of your toes using the best possible nail polish ... and by letting them warm up slowly after a cold swim.

These last few years, the ends of my toes have got quite sore during the winter swimming season. I think it may be chilblains. Some are prone to this complaint while others never have a problem. This is what I found out about chilblains, including some tips for prevention and cure.

What are chilblains?

A chilblain is a type of ulcer that makes its presence known through  redness, itching, blisters, and inflammation. They tend to pop up on the extremities, particularly the toes but also fingers and even the tips of the ears.

Chilblains are a painful reaction of the small blood vessels in the skin when exposed to cold temperatures. The small blood vessels constrict when cold. If you rewarm them too fast, they cannot respond quickly enough. I envisage the little things exploding like a cold glass meeting boiling water. You need to defrost slowly to avoid leakage of blood into the tissue.

How to protect against chilblains

These are some tips for avoiding chilblains:

• If your feet do get cold, allow them to warm up slowly
• Don’t expose them to any source of direct heat
• Wear gloves and socks, ideally made from natural fibres like cotton and wool
• Make sure your feet are nice and dry after your swim … maybe use a bit of talc
• Exercise to improve circulation

Some therapy suggestions

Once a chilblain develops try not to rub and scratch. Use soothing lotions like calamine and if the skin is broken use an antiseptic dressing to prevent infection. Therapies seem few and far between. Apparently cortisone creams can help but you have to be careful because they thin the skin. An article in the Independent suggests acupuncture  and one in the  Guardian offers diet strategies:

• Important nutrients are: vitamin E and B3, to enhance circulation;
• Vitamin C (with bioflavonoids), to strengthen the blood vessel walls and reduce inflammation; fish and fish oils.
• Eat plenty of fresh fruit (particularly berries and kiwi), colourful vegetables, avocados, nuts, seeds and their oils, and warming foods such as ginger, garlic, onion, pepper and spices.
• Keep the blood vessels healthy with a diet that’s low in saturated fats and high in fibre, and by not smoking.
• Also, the herb ginkgo biloba increases blood flow to the extremities.

Traditional Therapies

• Bald’s Leechbook recommends treatment with a mix of eggs, wine, and fennel root.
• Grind a few black peppercorns and fry them in a tablespoonful of hot mustard or sesame seed oil. Filter and use oil for massage – but not if skin is broken – while still warm.
• A folk remedy is to make a paste with a tablespoonful of honey, glycerine, egg white and wholemeal flour. Spread this over the chilblain and leave it overnight. Wash it off with warm water in the morning. Helps in reducing the chilblains.
• Regular massage of hands and feet in winter with any warmed vegetable oil, with a few drops of lemon added, improves circulation. Use the discarded halves of lemons to cup them around fingers and toes, and rub them for a while. Wash off with warm water.
• Soak hands or feet in a warm infusion of marigold flowers to which a spoonful of sea salt has been added.
• Cut a raw onion. Use the cut edge all over the chilblains; let the juice soak into the skin. The severity of itching dies down almost instantly and also helps in reducing the chilblain.
• Warm broken wheat or oatmeal porridge can be used to dip the fingers in, as a cure for chilblains.
• Slice a potato. Sprinkle some salt on it. Rub it all over the chilblain. Helps to soothe the itching and redness.
• Other herbs mentioned include Cayenne, Ginger, Garlic and Ginkgo Biloba.

If you have any tips please share them with us!

Peace of the Cubicle

 

Inez and Elizabeth swim here often

Up ahead in the distance, a shimmering light